The Worker Revolution
by itsreallygreat
Summary: The workers are tired of being pushed around and decide to revolt, causing all sorts of havok and general discomfort.
1. Brothers in arms

Disclaimer: Warcraft III and all of the characters in this fic are owned by blizzard.  
  
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The Humans were getting ready for another generic battle against the Orcs, rallying their troops and oppressing their peasants. On the battlefield a Paladin, an Archmage, and a couple of Peasants and footmen were present. The Arch-mage looked down upon the Peasants in disgust;  
  
Arch-mage: "Worthless little bugs, I should crush them like the bugs they are."  
  
Paladin: "I know how you feel, but then we'd have to go and buy some more..."  
  
Arch-mage: "Yes that's true... Those rotten bugs cling on to their abilities to build harvest and mine. Bah. They can't even fight for Gods sake."  
  
Paladin: "True, true. Hey I've just gotten an Idea."  
  
The Paladin runs into the Town hall and a loud bell rings. One of the Footmen notices the bell and smiles with a small tint a glee glistening in his eye;  
  
Footman: "(Can't see any Orcs attacking... It must be time to mess around with the Peasants again... good times...)"  
  
The Footman sights three Peasants gasping for air after a long trip to a gold mine, battered and bruised;  
  
Footman: "OK! NOW LISTEN UP YOU WHINING BUNCH OF POND SCUM! GET OFF YOUR FAT LAZY ARSE AND HELP US IN BATTLE!"  
  
Peasant 1: "But-"  
  
Footman: "NO BUTS! NOW GET YOUR ARSE INTO GEAR AND HOP TO IT!"  
  
Peasant 2: "We need to-"  
  
Footman: " I said hop to it and I'll be damned if any Peasant slave scum is going to refuse one of your master's orders!"  
  
Peasant 1: "Hey you're not my master!"  
  
Footman: "Silence! Your master commands it!"  
  
Peasant 3: "You have no power over us! Anyway, even if we wanted to become militia we couldn't; we've just got back with the gold you sent us over fifty miles to collect."  
  
Footman: "Well then you'll just have to carry that gold into battle. And if you drop just one, little, tiny, microscopic fragment of gold, then there'll be hell to pay."  
  
Peasant 1: "Why did you send us there anyway? There's a perfectly fine gold mine 20 yards away!"  
  
Footman: "Aha! But if we did use that, then it would be the first to drain, and by the time we to the far one, it'd be manned by damned stinking Orcs! DAMN THOSE BASTARD ORCS WITH THEIR LARGE WEAPONS AND BETTER PAY PROSPECTS... uh...... Now see why your naïve little cries are worthless and so very, very wrong?"  
  
Peasant 3: "It was already manned by Orcs! They slaughtered twenty of us!"  
  
Footman: "Well...then that's better you see! We stole some of their gold!"  
  
Peasant 3: "Oh wow... they lost thirty gold pieces; I bet they're crying their selves to sleep..."  
  
Footman: "SILENCE! AND HURRY UP TO THE TOWN HALL!"  
  
Disturbed by the almost shocking length of time the Peasants were taking to don their heavy suits of armour while carrying large sacks of gold (a sight that never failed to bring tears of joy to his eyes), the Arch-mage decided to take action;  
  
Arch-mage: "What's going on around here then? Why are the worthless bugs taking so long?"  
  
Peasant 2: "I don't see any bugs... oh."  
  
Footman: " I just can't take any more! I try and reason with them but they just won't let go of their pride! They refuse to lower themselves to our standards!"  
  
Peasant 1: "Hey!"  
  
Arch-mage: "Silence bug! Anyway, you've just gone and made our... battle...type person... cry."  
  
The Footman began whispering into his ear;  
  
Footman: "It's Footman."  
  
Arch-mage: "I don't care about your life story. Anyway, get out of my ear before I'm assumed to be homosexual by misguided fools."  
  
Peasant: "He was all too happy to send twenty of us fifty miles to our doom!"  
  
Archmage: "By the Gods man! Is this true!?"  
  
Footman: "Well... yeah but..."  
  
Arch-mage: "I don't care about your excuses! This is unforgivable!"  
  
The Arch-mage promptly cast blizzard on the hapless footman; killing him instantly  
  
Peasant 1: "Wow! You killed him for sacrificing our lives! You know you claim to despise us, by deep down inside you're just a big hearted friendly guy who likes to act tough."  
  
However, the Arch-mage wasn't listening, and still seething with rage;  
  
Arch-mage: "That no good bastard. It's not enough that he killed them while I wasn't around... oh no, He has to send them away from anyone's eyes, that spiteful little bastard!"  
  
Peasant 1: " figures..."  
  
The Paladin, like the Arch-mage was also noticing a distinct lacking of militia despite clearly ringing the call to arms. So his natural instincts brought him out of the Town hall to see what was wrong;  
  
Paladin: "Good sirs why aren't you fighting for us?"  
  
Peasant 2: "Well, there are two reasons:  
  
A) We have carried gold from an Orc base to here from over fifty miles away, which resulted in loss of twenty good men, and we'll be damned if we went fifty miles to collect thirty gold for nothing  
  
And:  
  
B) There are no Orcs in the base and the Orc base is fairly primitive. The only reason we we're slaughtered by them is because we have pitchforks, they have watchtowers"  
  
Arch-mage: "Well for that there are two answers:  
  
A) Simply carry the gold with you and return it when the Call to arms has ended.  
  
And  
  
B) You'll do what I damn well tell you to do. There is an Orc base and that's a good enough reason on its own, then there's the fact that those Orcs are so damn unpredictable that it's better to be safe then sorry."  
  
Peasant 1: "Those Orcs couldn't do anything to you though. They have two Grunts, a Wyvern and a Watchtower, scary."  
  
Paladin: "Quiet! Get to work and stop mocking your superiors!"  
  
Peasant 3: "On one condition."  
  
Paladin: " what now?"  
  
Peasant 3: "A funeral for the Peasants lost in action"  
  
Paladin: "Please tell me you're joking, I bet you don't even know their names!"  
  
Peasant 2: "But we do! Bob, Martin, Thomas-"  
  
Paladin: "OK, fine but-"  
  
Peasant 1: "Brian, Michael, Paul-"  
  
Paladin: "Yes yes! Fine, but-"  
  
Peasant 3 "Christopher, Roger, William, another guy called Bob, bloody good chap him, he'd give his right hand for the humans, which he actually did when it was bit of by the wyvern, wouldn't have been too bad had he survived though, as he left handed. Then there was-"  
  
Paladin: "OK! FINE! YOU'LL GET YOU'RE GOD DAMN FUNERAL! HAPPY!? SATISFIED!?"  
  
Peasant 1 2 & 3: "Yes. Quite."  
  
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Five minutes later, the Paladin, Archmage and three Peasants were joined by a Priest and twenty crudely made cardboard boxes created to commemorate the Peasants killed in action. The Priest gave a speech of the twenty men who died mining gold;  
  
Priest: " Twenty guys here... they died... Dum de dum... ... (I wonder what's for dinner tonight.)... ... ... ... ... ... Oh! They were mining at the time! Oh... and...They were killed by Orcs... Well that's about all I was paid for. There's a food cart over there, so help yourselves. Me? I'm going to check out the Sorceress's master training, if ya know what I mean. Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, eh? "  
  
The Peasants weren't expecting much, but they were also expecting something. To say they were shocked would be an understatement.  
  
Peasant 1: "If I ever saw one crappy, half-arsed funeral; that was it."  
  
Arch-mage: "Well you got your funeral, you didn't ask for anything flash"  
  
Peasant 2: "I am quite convinced that didn't qualify for a funeral."  
  
Arch-mage: "Of course it was. It had a Priest! What more do you want?"  
  
Peasant 3: "The Priest was a sex craved maniac a spurted out about four seconds worth of drive. He didn't even give a moments silence, except for that long pause in the middle of the speech."  
  
Paladin: "But you have to understand young ones, you're not worth the dirt under my fingernails. I hold the pebbles stuck in my boots in more regard then all of you put together. You don't deserve to live. No offence, mind."  
  
Peasant 1: "That's it!"  
  
Paladin: "Of course it is I'm always right. I'm a Paladin."  
  
Peasant 1: "No! That was an angry; "that's it!" As in; "that's it; to hell with this place!" And that is exactly what the original; "That's it!" actually was! Come to me fellow Peasants! We are revolting against these tyrannical humans!  
  
Hundreds of Peasants come from seemingly nowhere, yelling in a loud, and yob-like mass. They charged out of the base and vanished into the open horizon. The Paladin and Archmage were dumbfounded.  
  
Arch--mage: "You know I really had no idea that we had that many Peasants."  
  
Paladin: "I wouldn't say we were tyrannical... half arsed and corrupt maybe, but we're basically good."  
  
Arch-mage: "To hell with them I say, tonight I'll be celebrating their loss."  
  
Paladin: "But now we're without gold or wood. They've taken everything from us except for our footmen".  
  
Archmage: "Well, then I'll send a Footman to Jaina Proudmoore tomorrow to get reinforcements. Though I preferably would like no peasants; I'll have to remember to tell the Footman that."  
  
Paladin: "I hope this works; otherwise we're in big trouble..."  
  
Archmage: "How?"  
  
Paladin: "Why the evil Orcs of course."  
  
Archmage: "Oh, them. They mean no harm, I just decided to started war with them, regardless of Jaina's; "lets love Orc" hippie policy. I say to hell with the Orcs. I hate them because they smell funny and have bad manners. Which reminds me, when I send the footman tomorrow, I'll also have to make him start we're under siege by Undead. The Undead are great. You can blame just about everything on them nowadays."  
  
End of Chapter 1 


	2. Undeadly politics

Somewhere over the pond... far away from the Human's who were totally annihilating the Orcs who a surprise attack, the Scourge where having there own problems in Lorderon, Sylvanas had made a new Undead power in Lorderon, and the world of Undead politics had never been more alive (no pun intended). With promises of new low taxes, even the mindless ghouls where tempted. But this was bad news for the scourge, as they firmly believed in a good old fashioned, iron fisted dictatorship, claiming it was the only language anyone understood, and although the Scourge's minions were bound to the Lich king, Sylvanas had been secretly using powerful psychotherapy (re: Charm) to convert them to her ranks.  
  
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Kel'thuzad downed another shot of whisky at the local tavern. Having been promoted by Arthas who had to take a quick business trip abroad, he decided to take advantage of his power and give himself a raise, along with a weeks vacation leave. Unfortunately, during his absence, Sylvanas and Varimathos decided to take over Lorderon, and make a new Undead force; the Forsaken. While the tavern was bustling with neutral heroes, no one was really listening  
  
Kel'thuzad: "It's not that I'm scared of a Dark Ranger or a Dread lord-"  
  
He was cut off by a Beast master lunging at a Pit lord  
  
Beast Master: "Damn it man! She's mine!"  
  
He growled as he threw an axe at the Pit lord, which just skimmed over the top of his head.  
  
Pit Lord: "Bah!-"  
  
Before continuing, the Pit lord checked his scalp for blood, fortunately, it only scathed some skin. He secretly sighed with relief before continuing his taunt;  
  
Pit Lord: "*Ahem* you're puny attacks don't hurt me! For I am an immortal demon of the burning demon! Pathetic creature, feel my fury!"  
  
He used howl of terror, but because he was only level 1, it wasn't very effective. The Pit Lord looked on nervously  
  
Pit Lord: "Hmm... looks like I'm screwed. Oh well, take her, I'll just be on my merry way to do some creepin'. Toodles."  
  
Beast Master: "Ha-ha! You won't get away that easily! Now feel my...Beastly... wrath!"  
  
Naga Sea Witch: "Now Chris, I can understand you fighting to woo me, but I will not tolerate cheesy puns. Goodbye forever"  
  
The Naga Sea Witch promptly finished off her white wine, picked up her purse and slithered out of the tavern.  
  
The Beast Master summoned a bear who began to brutally maul the Pit Lord. The Pit Lord began screaming in pain, before turning to the Panderan Brew Master for support, who was currently manning the bar;  
  
Pit Lord: "Please...help... me. I'm dieing here...gkk...gack!"  
  
Panderan Brew Master: "What do you think I am; a zoo keeper?"  
  
Fortunately for the Pit Lord, Kel'thuzad was getting annoyed that no one was listening. So he promptly cast Frost nova on the bear, which promptly ricocheted onto the Pit Lord;  
  
Pit Lord: "S...so c-c-cold!  
  
Kel'thuzad: "Quit whining, I saved your life."  
  
Pit Lord: "Pitiful... mortal... I am not whining.  
  
Before long, the Pit managed to warm himself up again, but the Beast Master was none too happy;  
  
Beast Master: "Roar! My Beastliness shall not be interrupted! I'll kill you!"  
  
But before he could react, Kel'thuzard interrupted him;  
  
Kel'thuzad: "Enough of your cheesy puns! Anyway, I wouldn't recommend hurting me, I'm hiring."  
  
Suddenly, all of the heroes in the room stood to attention, their eyes gleaming with the prospect of a hoard of gold.  
  
Kel'thuzard: Ah that's better. Now what are my choices?  
  
Panderan Brew Master: "Well, Sylvanas brought the last Dark Ranger, the Naga Sea Witch left in a huff; the Beast Master and Pit Lord suck melons; so...I'm the only one available."  
  
Kel'thuzad: "Nice try, but I need something evil and undead. Now, since that whore Sylvanas took the last Dark ranger... bitch."  
  
The Pit Lord began too plead with the Lich;  
  
Pit Lord: "Please pick me! After all we've been through!"  
  
Kel'thuzad: "What the hell are you talking about?" Pit Lord: "You saved my life! From now, I'm the sidekick who talks big, is largely useless and provides light comic relief!"  
  
Kel'thuzad: "Dear God, OK, since you're the closest thing to evil and Undead, I guess I'll take you. But since you're in the burning legion, Arthas won't be pleased, so we best keep this to ourselves, okay?"  
  
Pit Lord: "You follow that puff Arthas and the "dick" king!? Bah, let's make an empire of blasphemous evil!"  
  
-Meanwhile, in Northrend-  
  
Lich King: "Arthas, someone is dissing us you must deal with them immediately! Obey!"  
  
Arthas: "Hmm... Oh it's a sodding Pit Lord. I'll kick his arse. Not literally of course, because then I'd have to go all the way back to Lorderon. So I'll just give him high cholesterol."  
  
-Back to the Tavern-  
  
Pit Lord: "Hmm... I'm having chest pains, I'm sure it's nothing. Let us go forth and do evil!"  
  
Kel'thuzad: "Right...anyway, what's your name?"  
  
Pit Lord: "It's...Fool! My name is of none of your concern; I am the supreme lord of terror!"  
  
Kel'thuzad: "Yes, but I'm not going to call you that"  
  
Pit Lord: "Okay fine! It's...Bob."  
  
Kel'thuzad: "Bob, what kind of name is that!?"  
  
Bob: "...Shut up. I can instil all the supreme terror I want, without having a somewhat terror less name."  
  
Kel'thuzard sighed, and travelled out of the door, after a warning from an angry Beast Master that he wasn't welcome 'round these parts no more  
  
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After two hours, in a nearby Scourge base, two acolytes where commentating on Kel'thuzard absence;  
  
Acolyte 1: "Kel'th's been drinking too much lately. He promised he'd be here three hours ago."  
  
Acolyte 2: "Maybe, but last time he said he was going for a drink, we didn't hear from him from a week. Anyway, he doesn't like us calling him Kel'th."  
  
Acolyte 1: "I'll call the old, drunken fool what I want. Anyway, he's not here at the moment."  
  
Kel'thuzad: "*ahem* Kel'th? Old drunken fool, am I?"  
  
Acolyte 1: "Crap."  
  
Acolyte 2: "You're on your own pal!"  
  
As the second Acolyte ran for the hills, the first Acolyte was about to let loose another profanity, but was cut short by a frost nova. Unfortunately for Bob the Pit Lord, it hit him again.  
  
Bob: "Damn... Are you trying to kill me or something!?"  
  
Kel'thuzad ignored the agitated Pit Lord, and headed for the Necropolis. Inside, he sat in his office, and inspected his filing cabinet. He was quickly reunited with Bob who stormed into his office;  
  
Bob: "What are you doing in this crappy office: We need to start creeping!"  
  
Kel'thuzard leaned back arrogantly;  
  
Kel'thuzad: "YOU need to go creeping. I'm level 10."  
  
Bob: "Really? Damn. I'm only level 1. So...I'll be off then. I'll get back in touch if I need you then?"  
  
Kel'thuzad: "Sure, whatever."  
  
-Five minutes later-  
  
Acolyte: "Sir Kel'thuzard! We bring a message from the Pit Lord you hired!"  
  
Kel'thuzad: "Damn it, what now?"  
  
Kel'thuzad received a letter from the loyal Acolyte, and began to read it.  
  
Letter: "Hey, it's Bob here, I'm writing this letter to tell you I'm dieing. I just spilt some blood, so don't worry about that. Please revive me at alter. Losing lots blood can't write much screw grammar."  
  
Kel'thuzad sighed, and ordered Bob to be revived. While Bob was being reborn, Kel'thuzad was going through the Scourge's plans to win the position as rulers of Lorderon. He thought of playing fair, but then remembered that Arthas, and the Lich King would not approve. He got his mobile phone out (even the rotting undead need to keep up with the times) and began txting the Lich King;  
  
-Back to the Frozen Throne-  
  
Lich King: "Arthas; my mobile is ringing. Answer it immediately! Obey!"  
  
Arthas: "Do you always have to say obey?"  
  
Lich King: "Obey!"  
  
Arthas: "*Sigh* Oh it's from Kel. Hmm; "lo grt lch kng + kng Arths. Whn u awy Slvns md nw undd grp nd nw we nd to fght thm of. So wht we do?"... I thought he was smart! This is total garbage! Anub'arak could talk clearer!""  
  
Lich King: "That is txt speak! It reads; "Greetings most exalted Lich king, and King Arthas. While Arthas was on leave in Northrend; Sylvanas betrayed our very name, and founded a new unholy order. Now we need to gather our forces, and cleanse their pitiful presence from the Scourge's lands. Please my lord, give me your wisdom and enlighten us!"  
  
Arthas: "Really? Damn. Anyway, I'm a real King, so I know my politics. Lower taxes, and throw blatant abstract patriotism. That'll keep them happy!"  
  
Lich King: "Arthas, your naivety with the Scourge is amusing, but I know how to rule the Scourge. And I shall do so as I see fit! Obey!"  
  
Arthas: "But you didn't give a command"  
  
Lich King: "...Silence!"  
  
-Back to Lorderon-  
  
Kel'thuzad checked his phone; he received his orders from the Lich King. He thought they were a little tyrannical, to say the least, but he was indebted to the Lich King.  
  
Bob: "What did he say!?"  
  
Kel'thuzad: "Oh, you're back. He kind of wants us to screw everyone over."  
  
Bob: "Aha. I may not like the guy, but he's made by the burning legion, and he has burning legion qualities! I'm voting for the Scourge, I mean, they might not stand for the burning legion anymore and possibly may be plotting to destroy our last few members, but when they paved they way for a demonic invasion, they did a damned good job!"  
  
Kel'thuzad: "Great, that's really going to make a difference."  
  
Bob: "Thanks! Oh wait, I almost forgot! Guess whose level 2! "  
  
Kel'thuzad: "I don't know and trust me, I don't care anymore." Bob: Well, it's only me, and I've only just learnt -wait for it- Rain of fire- Now all mortals will flee in terror from my demonic wrath, bmwahahaha!"  
  
Kel'thuzad sighed and began to organise a political speech, within hours he went out to broadcast it on the balcony;  
  
Kel'thuzad: "*Ahem* my fellow Undead, um- I hate you all. We are raising every possible tax, and anyone who disagrees will (dear god...) die. Well... then. Oh dear, it gets even worse... Screw you all and if you even think of going to Sylvanas' forces; kiss your arse goodbye."  
  
Miscellaneous Acolyte 1: "You fucking fag!"  
  
Miscellaneous Acolyte 2: "We're not standing this shit. Let's leave this damned hell hole!"  
  
Kel'thuzad: "Well how about, lowered taxes then?"  
  
Miscellaneous Acolyte: 1: "Screw you! We're leaving, to Kalimdor!"  
  
Kel'thuzad: "...Ha! You can't! The Lich King has total control. Over you!  
  
Miscellaneous Acolyte 2: "Piss off, we're not buying that anymore!"  
  
Suddenly, all of the nearby Acolytes headed off to the local undead shipyard, manning transport ships, and using battleships and frigates to fight off the Abominations and Gargoyles that were fighting them in the name of the Scourge. One cheeky Acolyte stayed to un-summon the Necropolis before leaving however, but was killed before getting hacked to death by a swab of ghouls.  
  
Bob "That speech kicked arse! You could tell they didn't like it!"  
  
Kel'thuzad: "Hmm...Yes, say if we for some reason find the floor we're standing on vanishing into another world, can you angle yourself so I'll fall on you?"  
  
Bob: "Okay, why?"  
  
Suddenly, the floor began to fade below them.  
  
Bob: "Aha, the floors been un-summoned. Damned Acolytes, I ought to-"  
  
Before the enraged Pit Lord could finish his damming sentence, the Necropolis vanished into thin air. Unfortunately for Kel'thuzard, he found himself hitting the ground first, with a large shadow covering him  
  
Kel'thuzad: Damn it, I'm screwed.  
  
With a mighty thud, Bob crushed Kel'thuzard, sending the Lich several feet under the earth. After a couple of minutes, Bob managed to fish Kel'thuzard out and pull him back up. Kel'thuzard: You need to lose weight. There's no way anyone should be able to make a hole that big in the floor.  
  
Bob: Fool! Bob doesn't lose weight for anyone! Bob curses anyone who mocks his size.  
  
Kel'thuzad: Yes, I better watch out for Rain of fire.  
  
Bob: Not exactly, but just wait until I learn doom!  
  
Kel'thuzad: Right, anyway we need to get some more Acolytes.  
  
Bob: We could use our ghouls. Then our Acolytes would be feared by all other worker units, bwahahaa!  
  
Kel'thuzad: No, they're too dumb. I'll have to go to the Lich King.  
  
Bob: "Phone him again fool."  
  
Kel'thuzad: "No chance, that did a fat deal of good last time, no I'll have to see him personally, for the meantime, and I know I could regret this, you're in charge of the Scourge. And-"  
  
Bob was quick to cut him off in a fit of power madness;  
  
Bob: "Bwahahaa! Now I'll summon a hoard of demons and damn this land forever."  
  
Kel'thuzad: "-No demon summoning"  
  
Bob: Phooey.  
  
End of chapter 2  
  
Orc Grunt: Wait!  
  
Narrator: What?  
  
Orc Grunt: What happened to us!?  
  
Narrator: You're in next chapter  
  
Orc Grunt: Why weren't we in the second?  
  
Narrator: Because the Undead were in the second  
  
Orc Grunt: But We should have been after the humans, the Undead weren't mentioned in the first, but we were!  
  
Narrator: Quit complaining.  
  
Orc Grunt: Bah  
  
The real end of chapter too is here. Yes indeed. 


End file.
